I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
