This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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