Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
