her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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