3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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