You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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