Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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