Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
