Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
