I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
