Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i came on her dog
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
