Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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