I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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