if i can run in heels then i can drive
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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