So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
