This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
