the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again