try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
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My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.