I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it