I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
