im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
