It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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