Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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