Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
