I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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