She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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