does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
