Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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