Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
