Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
