I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
