Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
