she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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