I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i think i just lost a toe
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
