Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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