Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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