i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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