i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
