I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
