forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
