I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
