On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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