Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Jerry, you need to find god
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
