We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
