I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You smell like stripper and shame
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
