the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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