somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
