Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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