well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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