so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
