Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
