drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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