Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
