i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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