my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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