once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's shark week go big or go home
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize