i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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