I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
