I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
