Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
