the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We smell like vodka and hangover
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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